Humor

Tidbit from the archives

I'm cleaning out my AKO account and I found some e-mail exchanges from various people, including some laudatory words from SSG Smallville upon discovering that I was not going to be switching teams after all:

I was hoping I wouldn't lose you. You're my rock. Your discipline and understanding of the way things sometimes have to be is precious to me. Sure, you're a ticking time bomb, but nobody's purfekt.

I should go through these some more. It's amazing how much insanely stupid and stressful stuff you can forget after just a year and a half.

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Picturesque

My mother-in-law took a picture of me this morning. I was wearing my Fred '08 t-shirt and Ian was in my lap, listening spellbound as I read aloud from Anne Coulter's Slander. I think the only way I could have presented a more offensive scene to liberals would be if I were somehow wearing my Army uniform with the t-shirt while carrying a concealed assault rifle.

If I get the pic, I'll be sure to post it.

Sig

"More water? More ice? A margarita?"

The nurse-midwives decide that it might be helpful for her to be able to see the baby coming out. A pair of DoD anti-satellite laser/spotlights are aimed at her unmentionables, and a giant mirror is brought out. This is not something that we had really planned on doing in our birth plan, mostly because I have seen all of the Alien movies and didn't really fancy living one out. But once they wheel it out and allow us to see the Miracle of Birth live and in full color, my response is pretty much the same as my wife's: "Ew."

A von Neumann machine is a type of self-replicating machine

Jokes are funnier when you have to explain them. This courtesy of XKCD:


Two weeks to go. Plus or minus two weeks.

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Fortunate Son

My fortune cookie today:

A short stranger will soon enter your life with blessings to share.

Awesome.

4 weeks to go.

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The long paw of the tsar

How sad is it that my first thought upon hearing about this was that La Russophobe would soon be decrying it as a neo-Soviet hit job purrpetrated by Tsar Vladimir's evil, er, cat's paw?

Investigators were trying to determine how a Siberian [sig: Aha!] tiger escaped its enclosure at the San Francisco Zoo, killing one man and mauling two others.

Zoo officials are still uncertain of how the tiger, which last year badly mauled a zookeeper, got loose before it was shot dead Tuesday.

My deepest sympathies to the family, конечно, and yes, I know that I'm a bad person for immediately finding humor in this situation.

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I still want the t-shirt, by the way.

IMAO has been running Fred Thompson Facts in the vein of the old Chuck Norris Facts for a few months now. These vary from okay-he-he-kinda-funny to shooting-coffee-out-my-nose-funny.

Now they have a music video. [Embedded in full article]

Comes from his mother's side

Comes from his mother's side

...and in yesterday's ultrasound, you can clearly see my firstborn son giving us the finger. Except for redacting certain personally identifying information, this photo is not edited.

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PS- By the way, we're having a son.

Overheard in the parking lot

One half of a cell phone conversation between my buddy and his four-year-old daughter.
[quote]Hey, guess what? Remember how I'm going to start working for the police department? They gave me some stuff today. . . I have a stick for beating up the bad guys. . . Uh huh, and I have some handcuffs to catch them so they can't get away. . . They gave me a vest to protect me from the bad people--Huh? No--no, sweetie, I don't get a sword.[/quote]

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No, Mr. Bond...

Because physics jokes are inherently funny.


I just found this comic strip today. It makes me very happy. Joke themes I have discovered so far: math, physics, Internet culture, Ender's Game, velociraptors, regular expressions, and general nerdiness.

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